I will take a large chocolate shake with a side of FEAR. Or maybe a rice cake slather with NUTELLA (a pice of heaven sent in biggee size portions at Costco) and a slice a of FEAR on top. I have realized today that there were some behaviors I was having that really instead of feeding, I needed to be on my knees. Pat calls tomorrow for his pre-op appointment and although I am excited beyond words there is a certain fear factor. Honestly, we don't have all the money. Were about $800 short. Then there's every other thought that comes with this, will I be as sick as I was with my other 2 kids (puking my brains out for 10 months while on 3 different medications), how will this effect the balance of the family, how will this effect my business, homeschooling, running....you see the list is getting quite long.
Funny thing happened this morning. Our power was out for about an hour. No reason why, clear skies, no crazy weather, just everything turned off at 9 am. The worst part was I was in the middle of getting kids dressed, so when I went to get dressed myself, there was no power. Now God did bless my closet space, may not have a ton of other space BUT my closet is a large walk-in, anyway with no power it was impossible to see. I mean I was able to manage getting cloths because I knew about where my jeans hang AND about where the shirt was I wanted to wear. So after a bit of fiddling and finding my way I found what I was looking for. Then I came out into the light of my room and got dressed in the exact cloths I went in search of. Then it was in that moment God spoke. Laura, you don't need to see the path, you just need to start towards, I will make the way. All this time I have been pondering, scheming, figuring, LORD where is this going to come from, this money, not to mention all the other things I am worried about. But He said, just as confidently as you went and grabbed those cloths because you knew what you were looking for, you NEED to follow me. I need to hold tight to that dream of our newest Skelton family member and TRUST that even though I don't see it, the path, I know who commanded it and who is guiding me! That is the most important.
Then as if this isn't a crazy enough knock on the head, which usually God does with me, He always makes sure I REALLY get HIS message, He hits a home run. During the kids bible study time this morning we were discussing the sermon on the mount. (For those that know that story I am sure you are by now snickering and already see God's sense of humor in dealing with my heart.) For those that don't know the story, Jesus told a story. In this story He talked of God's love and how tender He is to take care of us. Look at those sparrows they do not worry in vain how they will eat their next meal, or even those lilies did they worry about how they are dressed. No! Just as much as your Father in heaven has tended and loved those things, how much MORE will he on you!!! That's right, God showed me this again today, Laura how much more will I take care of you. I know we are on His path, I know this, just at times the doubt sets in, hey I am human, hence the chocolate shake (and don't judge, yes there were fries but technically half marathon training has begun ;-)
In January I fasted for 2 weeks with my church. In that time God really took the time to hammer into me peace (hey its a daily thing for me, again fighting my humanness, which isn't always easy). He gave me Psalm and I know its for these moments. Its Psalm 100.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. 4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
These ideas and motions the Lord has been hammering into me and trying to teach me. In all things give Him praise, He is worthy. I am so thankful for His love. I will walk this out, even when I cannot see, in faith with praises for him. Because Lord knows, last time "we" made a decision in FEAR, we stopped the almighty hand of God, and here we set now because of it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
One of my favorite section of verse about fear and thought-discipline:
ReplyDelete4 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him!
5 Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!
6 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.
7 Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8 Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
9 Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
10 I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess - happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it.
Philippians 4 (The Message)